Feeling alive again

So maybe I'm just a little crazy right now because I am a bit sleep deprived, and have a very full stomach.

I need to find something out. I don't know what it is, and I'm not at all even paying attention to what my fingers are typing. This is all stream of conscience.

I'm just writing right now.

I'm in love.
I am in love with someone so incredible that I didn't think it was possible to be this happy. I don't even think anyone should be allowed to be this happy. It should be illegal.

I'll admit I've made some stupid mistakes in the past, and let my emotions get the better of me, and they got me in trouble with myself. But it's OK now. I understand who I am, and you have made me understand it.

You are an amazing woman who reminds me every day why I'm alive. I didn't think it was possible, but you proved me otherwise.

I'm done thinking about the past. It's really gotten me nowhere.

Always move forward. Going straight will get you nowhere. If you understand this, then you are on the right track.

Words, words, words. That's all I know right now.

Lindsay, I love you with all of my heart. If you don't understand that, then I'll find some way to show you.

Be with me forever, and we'll never have to be alone.

Dark blue, dark blue
Have you ever been alone
In a crowded room?
Well I'm here with you
I said the world could burning
Now there's nothing but dark blue

I need to write more. You have inspired me.

You have made me feel so alive again.
I was slowly dying on the inside, and you saved me from myself.
I wish I could thank you, but I don't know how.

I am forever in your debt.

And we won't wake up on Sunday
So I'm building us a church
Where we can sleep in with the gods at work
And our friends will write us letters.
They'll never understand why we don't call.
We're hiding out until the Empire falls
Let it fall

I'm gonna keep writing here until I can get it all out.

You are that something I thought I'd never have.
I was a silly little boy in love, but didn't know what to do with my heart. So I left it in New York.
I had no other choice.
It wasn't until 2 and a half years later that I found it.
I snuck it into your pocket when you weren't paying attention.

Love me forever, and we'll never have to be alone ever again.

At Full Speed

Sometimes I really feel like I need an escape, ya know?
It's just one of those things that needs to happen every once in awhile.
Sometimes I really just hate being myself. I'm not sure why exactly. I just get uncomfortable in my own skin.
I itch,
but I can't scratch.
I starve,
but I can't eat.
I am parched,
but I can't drink.
Something feels not so right inside.

But what do I do about it?
Nothing.
I do nothing.
I lay back, and I just go with it.
Why?
I wish I even knew.

Sometimes I really hate being me, but I don't know why.

There's gas in the car, mine until sunrise. And there's no guarantee that leaving town's gonna set me free. But staying here.... it's just not what I need.....

Night Prison

Do you hear that?
It's the sound of silence
Closing in on you
Just don't let it catch you
Alive
Well this night prison
Is holding you down as you toss and turn
Just don't let it catch you
Alive

'Cause baby,

Time stands still for nobody
But you won't believe all the things I've seen
In these lucid dreams, I feel wide awake
And I know that I will never shake
This prison
No no no
Not this prison

Can you feel that?
It's the beating of your heart
Pounding in your chest
Just don't let it catch you
Falling asleep
Well in this empty room
The darkness falls, and deeper you go
Into the rabbit hole
And it'll get get you
While you're falling asleep

'Cause baby

Time stands still for nobody
But you won't believe all the things I've seen
In these lucid dreams, I feel wide awake
And I know that I will never shake
This prison

It's holding me down
This prison
It's making me drown
This prison
Is killing me now
Please save me from this prison!

Time stands still for nobody
But you won't believe all the things I've seen
In these lucid dreams, I feel wide awake
And I know that I will never shake
This prison
Time stands still for nobody
But you won't believe all the things I've seen
In these lucid dreams, I feel wide awake
And I know that I will never shake
This prison

I'm ready

And today was a day just like any other. I wake up to find it's another four Aspirin morning, and I dive in. I put on the same clothes that I wore yesterday. When did society decide that we have to change and wash a t-shirt after every, individual use? If it's not dirty, I'm gonna wear it.

I take caffeine in the bloodstream, I need caffeine in the bloodstream. I take the stairs to the car, and there's fog on the windows. I grip the wheel and all at once I realize: my life has become a boring pop song, and everyone is singing along.

I finally had the gull to ask her to be mine. I can't believe she said yes. It's still one of those things that I'm getting used to.

3 years ago on New Year's Eve, I met this perfectly marvelous girl. I never would have imagined that she would be mine just 3 years later, on the same exact day. Incredible.

I'm on the verge, I'm on the verge: unraveling with every word. With every word you say, make me believe that I won't feel your tires on the street as I'm finding the words to say I'm ready. I'm ready to drop. Keep pushing. Don't stop me, I'm ready. I'm ready to fall. Don't stop, I'm already ready.

I won't get to see her much, but that means with every encounter we'll have, it's gonna be even more special. I know it'll be awhile before I do see her again, but that's alright. I'll miss her until then.